Silent Hill, Tekken, Prince of Persia, Max Payne. What do all these films share in common? That’s right, they’re all s**t. They also happen to be based on some of the best video games ever made, so to turn a treasured icon into a heaping pile of dung is immoral, unjustified, and downright crude.
With Splinter Cell and Assassin’s Creed being recently announced, and Tom Hardy and Michael Fassbender being attached to each project respectively, things could finally be looking up for film adaptations of our favourite pieces of sofa entertainment software.
As a result, we decided to think of other films that deserve a shot at the big screen, but we’re not talking about stealing the name, and then attaching it to some ludicrous plot that has nothing to do with the original franchise. No. We want to keep the story exactly how it is in the game, but want to present our own suggestions for directors, stars and a tagline, as well as providing an overview of the plot for those filmmakers that seem to forget.
We’re sure some of our decisions are going to frustrate, confuse, or anger, so make sure to sound off your disagreements and agreements in the comments below! We’d love to hear your suggestions too. Now let’s get started!
1) METAL GEAR SOLID
OK, let’s face it. Metal Gear Solid is practically a film in itself, laden with cutscenes and narrative context. However, the premise for the game would be a perfect fit for the silver screen. We’ve got longevity in the hero, a plethora of terrorist opportunities to choose from, and a supporting cast to rival the greats of most action movies.
Director: Christopher Nolan (Inception, The Dark Knight, Memento)
Solid Snake: Hugh Jackman
Roy Campbell: Alec Baldwin
Naomi Hunter: Monica Bellucci
Story: Solid Snake successfully infiltrates a nuclear weapons facility, only to find the terrorist threat belongs to a violent renegade militia known as FOXHOUND. Snake’s task is to rescue the hostages on board, the head of DARPA (Defense Advanced Research Project Agency), and a CEO of an arms manufacturer, as well as stopping the group from launching a nuclear strike.
Tagline: War Changes. Our Heroes Stay Solid.
2) GRAND THEFT AUTO
Some feel that the latest entry in the series moved away from the tongue in cheek nature of previous iterations, whilst others found the serious tone more grounded and refreshing. There’s no denying that Grand Theft Auto IV contains some excellent and intriguing characters, with a fantastic world to boot, therefore we feel it makes a strong case for a blockbuster film.
Director: David Ayer (End of Watch, Street Kings)
Niko Bellic: Vladimir Mashkov
Bruce Kibbutz: Steve-O
Packie McReary: Colin Farrell
Story: Niko comes to the USA in search of the American Dream, on advice of his cousin, Roman. However, he quickly becomes entangled with gangs, crime and other corrupt individuals, with his task to get out of the business as quickly as possible. Eventually, his history with an Eastern European conflict comes back to haunt him, and he must deal with his inner demons, whilst trying to make sense of what the ‘American Dream’ really is.
Tagline: Liberty City. Where true freedom awaits.
Why this film has not yet been made is baffling. There was originally a producer attached with Peter Jackson, who then walked away from the project. Then it was rumoured Neill Blomkamp would take the helm as director, but no progress was made. Even Steven Spielberg has expressed interest in the space-faring epic. There’s a plethora of Youtube videos that attempt to capitalise on the green armoured hero, most recently with Forward Unto Dawn, which was an excellent series that showed there’s character underneath the helm. Let’s get it made already!
Director: Peter Jackson or Neill Blomkamp (The Lord of The Rings, District 9)
Master Chief: Doesn’t matter, just keep the voice actor, Steve Downes, the same.
Cortana: Charlize Theron
Jacob Keyes: Geoff Pierson
Story: Set in the 26th Century, the film would focus on the story of Master Chief and his crash landing on an unknown construct, simply labelled as Halo. Master Chief would work to uncover the secrets of the ring, whilst flashbacks to his early childhood would allow fans to gain a more human perspective of John, the man behind the suit.
Tagline: The Battle For Humanity Comes Full Circle.
4) GEARS OF WAR
Another game perfect for the big screen, Gears of War is full of bromance, explosions, and Epic one-liners with a capital ‘E’. Again, this is another project that was greenlit a while back, but could never get into full gear. Apparently, Stuart Beattie, who worked on Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, has developed a script, but with Cliff Bleszinski no longer tied to Epic Games, it’s unknown whether the battle against the locust will come to a cinema near you. In the meantime, here’s how we would do things…
Director: Steven Spielberg (Saving Private Ryan, Jurassic Park, E.T.)
Marcus Fenix: Dave Bautista
Dominic Santiago: Mario Lopez
Augustus Cole: Terry Tate
Damon Baird: Paul Walker
Story: Our four unlikely heroes form up the crew of Delta Squad, and follows their journey across Sera as they attempt to save humanity from an unstoppable horde of locust. The film would switch between the present day, and the past, where Marcus and Dom’s relationship could be explored in more detail, as well as showing accounts of Marcus’ time in prison.
Tagline: They started as a team. They will end it as brothers.
5) RESIDENT EVIL
“Wait, this has already been made as a film,” I hear you cry! Correct, but that film, whilst watchable, was in no way homage to the original classic on Playstation. Resident Evil is, and should always be, a survival horror game that contains some of the greatest scares known to man, not a martial arts action B-Movie. So lets rewind, pretend the film never happened, and produce it as the following:
Director: Ridley Scott (Alien, Gladiator, Prometheus)
Chris Redfield: Matt Damon
Jill Valentine: Cobie Smulders
Barry Burton: Bryan Cranston
Albert Wesker: Christian Bale
Story: Forget Alice. This film takes place in the mansion that made the first game so iconic. After Alpha Team take refuge in a nearby mansion after coming under assault from rabid dogs, they begin the search for Bravo Team. Whilst searching for Bravo, the group find documents linking atrocious experiments that took place in the mansion to a corporation known as Umbrella. It’s the team’s objective to escape the mansion, and uncover the experiments to the world.
Tagline: Horror has become a virus. Survival is the antidote.
6) FINAL FANTASY VII
Arguably one of the greatest gaming experiences of all time, Final Fantasy VII manages to pack in every emotion and practically covers ever genre possible. Done well, Final Fantasy VII could be one of the greatest films of all time. Done poorly, and the franchise could be ruined for eternity. The themes it explores however are still relevant to the modern era, perhaps even more so than ever, and that’s why we feel it deserves a place on the big screen.
Director: Benh Zeitlin (Beasts of The Southern Wild)
Cloud: Joseph Gordon-Levitt (With spiky blonde hair obviously)
Barrett: Mr. T
Tifa Lockheart: Natalie Portman
Aerith Gainsborough: Jewel Staite
Story: Whilst the main plot would focus on the story of Cloud, as he turns from young adult into fully-fledged hero, we would delve into the operations of AVALANCHE, the eco-terrorist organisation, and their plans to stop Shinra, a mega-corporation that controls most of the world’s businesses, as well as using the life of the planet to fuel their energy needs. Avatar anybody?
Tagline: Their world may be fantasy. Their actions are not.
7) RED DEAD REDEMPTION
My personal Rockstar favourite, Red Dead Redemption is a tale of love, family, and retribution, and beneath all the extreme violence and profanity, is a game woven with great care and packing a big heart. It’s been a long time since we’ve had a Western to rival that of the old spaghetti classics, and we aren’t talking about pasta. With the dialogue and voice acting of the highest calibre, a script is already in place, and the cinematography is practically complete. Now to just transfer it over to film.
Director: The Coen Brothers (True Grit, The Big Lebowski)
John Marston: Josh Brolin
Bonnie MacFarlane: Naomi Watts
Story: John Marston, a former outlaw, is tasked with hunting down his former gang members in order to be cleared of his charges and return to his family. The film tracks his journey as he seeks down each member, as well as detailing the relationships he establishes along the way.
Tagline: In order to achieve redemption, he must sin once more.
8) MASS EFFECT
Who wouldn’t want to see this as a film? Arguably one of the most epic games ever made, the trilogy doesn’t just focus on saving planet Earth, but the entire Galaxy, and as always, it’s down to just one man… or woman. In truth, with so many different choices and paths to take, as well as the gender of the protagonist being open to interpretation, any decisions made are certain to anger fans, but this could be countered by focusing on the First Contact War instead. A prequel would be a fantastic way of introducing those new to the Mass Effect universe, whilst giving long time fans an insight into what happened all those year ago.
Director: Matthew Vaughn (X:Men First Class, Stardust)
Commander Shepard: Matthew Fox
Kaiden Alenko: Eric Bana
Ashley Williams: Erica Cerra
Garrus Vakarian: Kiefer Sutherland
David Anderson: Keith David
Joker: Seth Green
Story: It’s the year 2183, and the crew of the SSV Normandy discover a Prothean beacon on Eden Prime, as well as an active Reaper, one of the machines that destroyed civilization over 50,000 years ago. Commander Shepard must recruit a team, and track down Saren, a turian Spectre who is being used as a pawn to help restart the return of the Reapers in order continue the cycle once more.
Tagline: Even the smallest decisions have the biggest effects.
9) DRAGON AGE: ORIGINS
Perhaps one of my finest experiences with an RPG, Dragon Age: Origins is essentially Mass Effect but with swords and shields rather than FTL ships and laser rifles. Whilst opinion is usually split on which game is the more engaging, it’s universally known that both are excellent in their own right, and Dragon Age packs more lore than any encyclopaedia known to man. A terrible threat, a beautiful world, packed with conspiracy, lies and deceit, and you have the perfect recipe for a fantasy epic.
Director: Guillermo del Toro
Alistair: Simon Woods
Morrigan: Angelina Jolie
Leliana: Karen Gillan
Oghren: John Rhys-Davies
Story: Set in Ferelden, a fictional kingdom, the land is divided by civil disagreements, with no single leader to unite the lands. The Darkspawn, a species of creatures that live underground, plan to return to the surface once more in order to take it for their own. It’s up to a hero and his allies to stop the Blight, by uniting the lands against a common foe.
Tagline: They thought the Blight was over. They were wrong.
Need I explain my reasoning for this? Anyone who has stepped into the shoes of Nathan Drake will know that it’s impossible to find another game that matches the cinematic quality and blockbuster action of Naughty Dog’s world-faring adventure. As a result, its place on the big screen could be questionable, however, we’d like to see more time given to the character of Drake, as well as allow him some breathing space by including scenes that focus on character exposition. Not since Indiana Jones have we had a popcorn-munching feel-good action-epic, and we’re 100% confident that Drake himself is the man to complete the job.
Director: James Cameron
Nathan Drake: Gerard Butler
Elena Fisher: Emily Rose
Victor Sullivan: Harrison Ford
Story: Nathan Drake finds a diary written by his ancestor, Sir Frances Drake, pointing to the location of El Dorado, rumoured to be the city of gold, packed with unimaginable wealth. As he journeys to find the city, he runs into a range of troubles, including Gabriel Roman, a competitive treasure hunter who is tracking the same destination. Each must compete against the other, in order to find the fabled city first.
Tagline: The greatest adventures in life are the ones left uncharted.